Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!
One of my favorite quotes is “don’t compare your insides to other peoples outsides.” This also ties into another all-time favorite quote: “You can’t keep score if you are playing a different game.” NEWS ALERT: We are all playing different games. Brené Brown’s work has sent me on a journey of embracing imperfection. One of her podcasts hit home for me, too. I have always found myself comparing myself to others, not so much in a way of being better than others, but learning from others to be my best. I have always wanted to reach my maximum potential. After a lot of work over the past decade, I have been able to name my never-good-enough feelings and emotions that I was unable to pinpoint before. I have come to accept that the path I have taken in life is that path that was meant for me.
Brené explains Comparative Suffering in a recent podcast (entitled “Unlocking Us” - posted March 27th). We are very aware there are people who are hurting more than we are hurting. They have less then we have. We downplay our own suffering as a result. We could be so much more “worse off.” Since I have judged my worth based on other people around me I have found myself judging my suffering based on those around me too! I had the realization. I had never let myself sit in the pain…acknowledge the pain and just feel sad. I always told myself my problems are not worth enough to feel my pain (AKA what I am feeling is wrong!). You have to FEEL it so you can HEAL it!
[10:15] My first message: I have to sit in the suffering so I can work through it and move through it. That helps me move past it and grow stronger from it.
[11:25] How long do I stay there? I don’t have the answer to that. There is not a right answer. I do know that there is a right time for you. I want to encourage you to listen to yourself and not the expectations of what everyone else thinks is a proper suffering and/or mourning time. I shared the example of our family losing our dog unexpectedly earlier this year. It took me about 2 weeks in mourning before I felt my heart began to feel mended. Your measure of time is your own. Surround yourself with people who can help you.
[18:27] In Brene’s March 27th episode, she says when we are sitting in suffering it is actually not even seen as sitting in suffering. She calls it “giving ourselves empathy.” When I thought about it this way, the sky opened up for me! “Every time we honor our own struggles and the struggles of others by responding with empathy, the health tat results affects us all.” This idea of when we give ourselves empathy, we are feeling these hard things for ourselves, we are then able to better feel and support those around us. The more empathy we give to ourselves, the more empathy we are able to give others.
This perspective has helped me stop comparing my suffering to others. For me, I have been able to slowly retrain my mind. Celebrating my achievements has nothing to do with what those around me have accomplished. Sitting in pain has nothing to do with how those around me are suffering. The better you know yourself, the better you can take care of yourself. Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”
My hope is the more you get to know your inside so intimately, you wont even begin to compare yourself to others’ outsides. It is comparing apples to oranges. I hope you realize what game it is you are playing so that you never even want to keep score with anyone else.
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More Episodes You’d Be Interested In
Episode 31: Why You Don’t Need to Make Massive Changes
Episode 30: How to Get Real With Your Expenses
Episode 28: Harness the Power of Your Mind with Mindfulness
Episode 27: How to Navigate Your Mind and Soul in This Unprecedented Time