Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!
Today we discuss “Mom Guilt.” This is the first podcast of a 2-podcast-series on the topic. It is something that ties us together as women and moms in the form of a constant inner monologue. I share tips on how to overcome it.
Brene Brown details what is called a “A Shitty First Draft.” To remain PG, we will move forward calling that our “Silly First Draft.”
[4:00] A first step in getting rid of Mom Guilt is tackling that “silly first draft.” Brene Brown discusses Grounded Confidence. When we know that we are a good mother, we can say “those thoughts aren’t true” over and over again. It is like a muscle and takes practice. I know that I am a good mom and even though I have feelings creep up into my thoughts, I can say “That is a Silly First Draft.”
[5:10] I define Mom guilt: “A pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or making decisions that may mess up your kids in the long run.”
[6:22] I discuss how Social Media can affect Mom Guilt. As many of us know, we compare our lives to the highlight reels of others. We cannot control what others post but we can control the way we consume it. It is important to be aware that we are looking at others’ highlight reels. It is important to remember that we tend to think those on the outside have all the answers when in reality, we are the only people that have experienced what we have experienced. And it is important to trust that. I finally discuss Mom Shaming. I explain Brene Brown’s thoughts in my own words: We are more likely to judge other people in ways we feel our own shame about. I share a story about Mom Shaming at the playground.
[15:15] I share an opinion: Mom Guilt can also cultivate when women do not have strong, deep connections with other women who can relate and respect their opinions. The more you talk about it, the less power it has on you.
[18:31] I share some questions you can ask yourself to start the process of tearing down Mom Guilt. The first step is to journal and reflect. Ask yourself, “what does it mean TO ME to be a good mom?” Some ideas could be: How much time do you spend with your children? What activities do you do with your children? How do you handle meltdowns? What kind of education are they receiving? I share many more.
[23:21] I introduce the 80/20 rule to this concept of Mom Guilt. What are the things that will make the most positive impact, that will make you say, “I am a good Mom.” Those are your 20% things. I share a quote: “If you love what you have you have everything you need.” I share how I have come up with an amount of time that I donate to “eyeball to eyeball” time with my kids, which is 30 minutes. I also realized that too much of that time, more than 4 hours, has diminishing returns.
[30:46] After this journaling and reflection, you will realize 1 of 2 things. 1. That you are doing all of the things you should to “be a good mom” on your terms or 2. That you may need to dig in a bit more to learn what those things are and how to achieve them.
Stay tuned next week! We are digging into how we need to show up in our lives in general to show up to be the Good Moms we dreamed of being.
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